Thoughts About the Style-Police

Happily, this is my lovely friend Moira; definitely not a scary lady.

You know that feeling that creeps up on you, when you’re meeting a really stylish friend, or a really successful business owner….that feeling of being a little bit exposed and vulnerable, like you should probably have put on better shoes? I’ve felt that a lot recently.

We all have moments in our lives when we feel under scrutiny. Our logical, adult brain says: “You are a forty-something, kind, competent, capable woman. Don’t be so ridiculous”. Our out-of-comfort-zone brain says: "Do I live up? Can I really do what I say I can do? Will I be judged on my taste / clothes / face / choice of hand soap…..”

When I decided to start my business, I didn’t really think through what that would mean in terms of media exposure. I’ve spent the last 20 years trying to avoid media attention, keeping our kids, home, family lives out of the public domain. I’m an extremely private person. Launching a business, and opening myself up to social media has not come naturally to me, so I’m taking baby-steps towards creating something that I can openly stand up and say “This is what I do”.

I really struggle with it.

But when you start a business that’s about style, you have to give examples of your personal style so that your clients can feel what it might be like to work with you - what sort of experience they’d be getting, just like you’re doing now, reading this.

I probably should have thought about that exposure before I started….

So I took a very deep breath, and booked a photoshoot for my website at the house…..

I cannot tell you the total overwhelm of having my house, my garden, my eye for design, my lunch-making-skills, my wardrobe, and also my face (gurn) being scrutinised by super-stylish women with an eye for design. Its really hard to be yourself in that situation, I was the worst-ever model - when the camera turned on me I either froze or couldn’t sit still.

Would my clothes be ok? Would my walls make an interesting backdrop? Would my choice of cushions be too boring? Would the cabinet be better green, not grey? Logical, grown-up brain: out the window.

I was so lucky to have the support and guidance of two amazing girls, Britt Willoughby-Dyer and Fiona Humberstone.

We tried a few portrait shots inside, perched on the dining table. The wallpaper in the background (Lewis and Wood Alhambra) looked fabulous. The shoes were ok. The feel was slick and professional. But I felt either stiff and petrified, or was fidgeting like a toddler. Somehow there was too much focus on how I looked, and I couldn’t relax and be myself.

Here are a few of the better ones…

We gave up….

Fiona suggested changing into jeans and Tshirt, and wandering round the garden. We ended up at the compost heap with me, garden fork in hand, banging on about the virtues of making your own compost and how to get that perfect crumbly mix. Yes, I really love compost. Britt snapped away, and the shots she took in normal clothes doing a task so familiar have captured something that those professional, slick, staged ones couldn’t - they captured me on the inside rather than just the way I look on the surface.

This is how I want you to feel about your house.

It’s not just about how it looks on the surface, it’s about what it means and says about you at a deeper level. It’s not really important whether your choices are fashionable or modern, or whether green or mustard is this year’s colour.

Does your home feel like YOU?

So many kind, intelligent, successful women have this bubbling, underlying sense that somehow they are being judged for their interior or garden style. We are so hard on ourselves.

I LOVE walking into my friends houses and gardens. Being offered a cup of tea, fussing their dog, saying hello to their kids. Despite the fact I design for a living, it’s irrelevant to me what colour they have painted their kitchen. At no point do I ever cast an analytical eye over their style or taste, I just love being there. Their houses represent them in the same way that their clothes represent them and their favourite biscuits in their cupboard represent them. Some of them are super-fashionable. Some of them wear a hoodie and walking boots. No-one cares, I love them all for themselves. They are all great girls and my life is better with them in it.

It’s exposing, having someone new walk into your home - someone with an eye for design. As if the invisible style-police are hovering, waiting to pass judgement on your choice of paint colour or sofa fabric. I totally, painfully get it.

But no-one is judging you. It couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that there are no taste-police: Your single biggest critic will be you. Stop being so hard on yourself.

When you work with me, I want to see the characterful-compost-you, not the slick-dining-table-you.

If you create a look which is totally representative of you, your interests, humour, heritage and style, then that’s what’s stylish.

Your home says something about you. But not because it’s super-styled and slick and perfect, but because it’s tarnished and imperfect and rough around the edges.

My very favourite houses are some of the least styled….but the most characterful. They’re the ones that really say something about their owners.

When you think about re-decorating your home or changing your garden, thank about this: Who are you doing it for? Are you doing it to impress the invisible style-police? The judgmental semi-friend who you want to think you’re cool? Or are you doing it because you’re ready to say something new about yourself, with humour and authenticity and not taking it too seriously?

If your friends love you, and your house represents you, then your friends will love your house. End of. Try not to take it too seriously, it’s just a bit of fun. Don’t change it for anyone but yourself.